I want to write my life story or a memoir. How do I get started?

Writing your life story or memoir is an incredible journey. Getting started is often the hardest part, but breaking it down into manageable steps makes it approachable.

• Brainstorming core themes: Identify the central thread of your story. Are you writing about overcoming a specific hardship, a lifelong passion, a transformative journey, or a collection of defining moments?
• Gathering raw materials: Pull together old journals, photographs, letters, or digital archives to jog your memory and establish a rough timeline of key eras.
• Choosing your POV and tone: Decide whether you will write in the first person (I) and whether the tone will be reflective, humorous, dramatic, or conversational.
• Defining your scope: Determine if you are writing a full autobiography (birth to present) or a memoir, which focuses tightly on a specific theme or period in your life.
• Establishing a routine: Set a realistic, bite-sized writing goal, such as 500 words a week or 15 minutes a day, rather than waiting for massive blocks of free time.
• Focusing on scenes over summaries: Write in vivid scenes with sensory details, dialogue, and emotion rather than just listing dates and historical facts.
• Writing the first messy draft: Give yourself permission to write badly at first. Turn off your inner editor and just get the raw memories down on paper.

If you'd like to dive in, tell me:

• Are you aiming for a full life story or a specific life event/memoir?
• Who is your intended audience (just family, or a general readership)?

I can help you outline your first chapters or brainstorm your opening hook.

Absolutely. The biggest mistake people make is thinking they have to start with “I was born…” and tell everything in order. You don't. A memoir is usually stronger when it focuses on the experiences, relationships, turning points, and themes that shaped you.

Start with memories, not chapters

For now, don't worry about writing beautifully. Make a list of memories that still have emotional energy for you.

Think about:

• Your earliest vivid memory
• The people who changed you
• A time you felt completely loved
• A time you felt abandoned, betrayed, or misunderstood
• Your happiest period
• Your hardest period
• A decision that changed the direction of your life
• Something you did that you're proud of
• Something you regret
• A secret you've carried
• A place that mattered enormously to you
• A person you lost
• A time you realized you had changed
• Something you believed when you were young that you no longer believe
• A moment when everything seemed to fall apart
• A moment when you began again

Don't censor the memories yet. Collect first; organize later.

Then ask: “What is my story really about?”

This is the part that turns a collection of memories into a memoir.

Your story might look like it's about growing up, marriage, divorce, parenting, a career, loss, addiction, moving, family, faith, or starting over.

But underneath that, there may be a deeper theme:

“I spent my life trying to please everyone before learning who I was.” Or:

“I learned that losing something can sometimes be the beginning of finding yourself.” Or:

“I grew up believing I wasn't enough, and spent adulthood trying to prove otherwise.” You don't have to know the theme immediately. Often, the theme reveals itself while you're writing. Memoir commonly uses real experiences to explore a larger idea rather than simply documenting everything that happened.

Try this exercise

Set a timer for 20 minutes and finish this sentence:

“If I could sit down with someone and tell them the story of my life, the thing I most want them to understand is…”

Then keep writing.

Don't edit. Don't worry about grammar. Don't worry about whether anyone would want to read it.

Just tell the truth as you remember it.

Don't worry about chronological order

You can eventually arrange the book chronologically, but you don't have to write it that way. You can begin with a dramatic or emotionally important moment and fill in the history afterward.

For example:

Opening scene: You are standing in a hospital hallway at 2 a.m.

Then: “Twenty years earlier, I had never imagined my life would come to this.”

And suddenly you have somewhere to go.

A very simple memoir structure

You could eventually organize your material something like:

1. Where I came from — family, childhood, early influences
2. Who I became — adolescence, relationships, dreams
3. The turning point — something changes
4. What I went through — conflict, loss, struggle, choices
5. What changed in me — realization or transformation
6. Where I am now — what you understand today that you couldn't understand then

That's only a starting framework. Your actual story may want a completely different structure.

One important distinction

If you truly want to document your entire life from childhood to today, you're moving toward an autobiography.

If you want to tell the stories from your life that illuminate a particular theme, period, relationship, or transformation, you're moving toward memoir.

And you don't have to decide today.

We can actually start yours together

You don't need to know how to write a book. I can help you uncover the story first, then turn your memories into chapters and eventually help you write the prose.

If you'd like, I'll start by asking you one question at a time, like an interviewer. You can answer in ordinary conversation—even with messy, incomplete memories—and I'll help you discover the story hiding inside them.

Try this exercise

Set a timer for 20 minutes and finish this sentence:

“If I could sit down with someone and tell them the story of my life, the thing I most want them to understand is…”

Then keep writing.

Don't edit. Don't worry about grammar. Don't worry about whether anyone would want to read it.

Just tell the truth as you remember it.

Don't worry about chronological order

You can eventually arrange the book chronologically, but you don't have to write it that way. You can begin with a dramatic or emotionally important moment and fill in the history afterward.

For example:

Opening scene: You are standing in a hospital hallway at 2 a.m.

Then: “Twenty years earlier, I had never imagined my life would come to this.”

And suddenly you have somewhere to go.

Starting a memoir or life story can feel overwhelming, but breaking it down into smaller, manageable steps makes the blank page much less intimidating. Here is a clear roadmap to get you moving:

• Brainstorming defining moments: Don't start at the beginning of your life chronologically. Instead, jot down the most vivid turning points, emotional peaks, valleys, and pivotal decisions that shaped who you are today.
• Choosing your core theme: A memoir isn't an autobiography covering everything; it's a slice of your life anchored by a central theme (e.g., resilience, a specific relationship, a career journey, or overcoming a major obstacle).
• Finding your voice and perspective: Decide whether you are writing in the first person (I) and how close you want the narrative perspective to be to your past self versus your wiser, present self.
• Creating a loose outline: Group your brainstormed memories into a chronological or thematic arc with a clear beginning, middle, and emotional resolution.
• Committing to messy first drafts: Give yourself permission to write badly. Focus entirely on getting the raw emotions and details down on paper without editing or self-censoring.
• Gathering sensory details and artifacts: Pull out old photographs, journals, letters, or revisit significant places to spark forgotten details, sights, and smells that bring scenes to life.

If you'd like, tell me:

• What is the main theme or period of your life you want to focus on?
• Do you prefer a chronological or thematic structure?

I can help you build a custom chapter outline to get your writing started.

Absolutely. And you do not need to know how to write a book before you begin. The best place to start is with your memories, not with a polished first chapter.

One important distinction: a memoir usually focuses on a particular period, relationship, struggle, transformation, or theme, rather than documenting every year of your life.

A simple way to begin

1. Start with the question: “What is my story really about?”

Don't worry about the title yet. Think about the thread running through your life.

It might be:

• Growing up in a particular place or family
• Immigration or starting over
• A difficult childhood
• A marriage or important relationship
• Raising children
• A career or business journey
• Loss and rebuilding
• Addiction or recovery
• Faith or a change in beliefs
• A major mistake and what came afterward
• Becoming the person you are today
• A particular decade or chapter of your life

Try finishing this sentence:

“If I wrote my life story, I would want people to understand __________.” That blank can eventually become the heart of the book.

2. Don't start at birth

This is probably the biggest trap for a first-time memoir writer. You don't have to write:

“I was born in…” Instead, start with a moment.

For example:

“I was standing in the kitchen when the phone rang. I knew from the way my mother looked at me that something had happened.” Now you have a story.

You can go backward afterward and explain how you got there. Memoir writers commonly use a pivotal scene as an opening rather than beginning chronologically.

3. Make a “memory dump”

Take a notebook or document and write down 20–30 memories that still have some emotional charge.

Don't try to write them beautifully. Just record the memory.

For each one, jot down:

• Where were you?
• Who was there?
• What happened?
• What did you see, hear, smell, or feel?
• What did you believe at the time?
• What do you understand about it now?

Specific details—clothing, smells, sounds, rooms, weather, expressions—can make personal memories much more vivid on the page.

4. Look for the pattern

Once you have your memories, look at them together.

You may discover that they're not really about 30 different things. They're about one thing underneath them all.

For example:

“I kept trying to prove I was worthy.” or:

“I spent my whole childhood trying to escape, and eventually had to learn how to belong.” or:

“I didn't understand my father until I became a parent myself.” That's your through-line.

5. Build a very loose structure

You don't need a 40-chapter outline. Start with something like:

1. The opening moment — a scene that grabs the reader
2. Where I came from — the background we need
3. The people who shaped me
4. The turning point
5. What happened afterward
6. What I understand now
7. Where I am today

You can change this completely later. The outline is a map, not a contract.

6. Write scenes, not reports

Instead of:

“My father was very strict and we were poor.” Try remembering one particular evening.

What did your father actually say? What was on the table? What did the house sound like? What were you thinking while sitting there?

Show us the moment, then reflect on what it meant.

That combination—scene plus reflection—is one of the things that turns a collection of memories into a memoir.

And here's something I think will make this much easier

You don't have to write it alone.

You can simply tell me your stories conversationally, one memory at a time. You can give me the messy version—the way you'd tell it to a friend—and I can help you:

• organize the memories
• identify the larger story
• create a chapter structure
• preserve your natural voice
• turn individual memories into scenes
• identify places where more detail would make the story stronger
• distinguish what you remember from what you may need to verify
• eventually shape everything into a coherent memoir

You don't even have to know what the memoir is about yet.

Let's start very simply

Forget the book for a moment.

Tell me about one moment from your life that you have never forgotten.

It can be happy, painful, funny, frightening, ordinary, or seemingly insignificant. Just tell me what happened, in your own words. We can use that first story to start discovering what your memoir might be about.

That's your through-line.

5. Build a very loose structure

You don't need a 40-chapter outline. Start with something like:

1. The opening moment — a scene that grabs the reader
2. Where I came from — the background we need
3. The people who shaped me
4. The turning point
5. What happened afterward
6. What I understand now
7. Where I am today

You can change this completely later. The outline is a map, not a contract.

6. Write scenes, not reports

Instead of:

“My father was very strict and we were poor.” Try remembering one particular evening.

What did your father actually say? What was on the table? What did the house sound like? What were you thinking while sitting there?

Show us the moment, then reflect on what it meant.

That combination—scene plus reflection—is one of the things that turns a collection of memories into a memoir.

And here's something I think will make this much easier

You don't have to write it alone.

You can simply tell me your stories conversationally, one memory at a time. You can give me the messy version—the way you'd tell it to a friend—and I can help you:

• Brainstorming and Mind Mapping is the first crucial phase. Don't worry about structure yet; just dump major life events, turning points, earliest memories, and intense emotions onto a page or digital board.
• Defining the Scope and Theme helps narrow a massive life into a focused narrative. Decide if you are writing a complete autobiography or a memoir centered around a specific theme (e.g., overcoming a specific challenge, a career journey, or a defining relationship).
• Identifying the Target Audience shapes your tone and what details you choose to include or gloss over. Knowing whether you're writing strictly for family preservation or a broader public readership changes your approach.
• Building a Chronological Timeline gives you a solid skeleton. Lay out the major years, eras, or locations of your life so you can see the narrative arc and where the gaps are.
• Gathering Artifacts and Sensory Triggers jogs forgotten memories. Dig through old journals, photographs, letters, and ticket stubs, or even visit childhood neighborhoods to spark vivid sensory details.
• Selecting a POV and Voice determines how intimate the story feels. Decide whether you will write in the first person ("I") and how conversational or literary your writing voice will be.
• Writing Small, Manageable Vignettes prevents the dreaded blank-page paralysis. Instead of tackling chapter one from birth to age five, write short, discrete scenes or stories as they come to you and piece them together later.

Would you like me to help you define the specific theme of your memoir, or would you prefer a step-by-step outline template to organize your timeline?

The best way to start is not with your birth or a chronological list of everything that happened. Start with the part of your life that still has emotional energy—the experience that changed you, challenged you, broke you open, or taught you something. That focused approach is one of the most consistent recommendations for first-time memoir writers.

1. Decide what kind of book you want

There are two useful possibilities:

• Memoir: One significant period, relationship, struggle, transformation, or theme from your life.
• Life story/autobiography: A broader account of your life, usually moving roughly chronologically.

You can also combine them: tell your life chronologically but make certain experiences the emotional center of the book.

2. Find the "thread"

Ask yourself:

• What experience changed me?
• What have I survived?
• What do I understand now that I didn't understand then?
• What relationship shaped my life?
• What did I lose, and what did I gain?
• What would I want my children, grandchildren, or a stranger to understand about my life?
• If my life had a central question, what would it be?

For example, "My life story" is too broad.

But:

"How I went from feeling like an outsider to creating a life where I finally belonged." That's a story.

3. Make a memory dump

Don't try to write chapters yet. Make a list of 20–30 memories that immediately come to mind.

Include things like:

• Your childhood home
• A person who changed you
• Your happiest day
• Your worst day
• A secret
• A major move
• Your first love
• A loss
• A betrayal
• A difficult decision
• A moment you were proud of yourself
• Something you deeply regret
• A funny family story
• A time you thought your life was over
• The moment you realized you had changed

Don't worry about whether they're "important." Small, vivid moments can carry enormous meaning.

4. Start with a scene

Instead of:

"I was born in 1965 and grew up in..." Try:

"The suitcase was already sitting by the front door when I woke up that morning." Now the reader has a question: Why was the suitcase there? What happened?

You can explain the background afterward.

5. Write like you're telling one person

This is especially important if your goal is to preserve your story for family.

Imagine you're sitting across the kitchen table from someone you love and saying:

"There's something I've never really told you about my life..."

Then tell that story.

Don't worry initially about beautiful prose, grammar, chapters, or publishing. Get the memories out first. You can shape them later.

6. Use photographs and documents

Old photographs, letters, diaries, newspaper clippings, addresses, school records, recipes, and other artifacts can unlock memories you haven't thought about for decades. They can also help you check dates and details.

7. A very easy first exercise

Set a timer for 20 minutes and finish this sentence:

"If I could tell someone only five things about my life, they would be..."

Write without stopping.

Then look at what you've written. That's probably where your memoir begins.

And if you'd like, we can actually build your memoir together—I can interview you one question at a time, turn your answers into polished chapters while preserving your voice, and eventually help you organize the whole thing into a book.

To get started writing your life story or memoir, begin by choosing a specific central theme or core turning point rather than trying to write your entire life chronologically from birth . A memoir is a focused lens on a particular period, lesson, or transformation, whereas an autobiography attempts to cover everything.

Watch this video for practical steps on how to begin capturing and organizing your earliest memories today:

9:07 CAPTURE Your Life's Most Important Stories- Start Writing ...1 year ago YouTube · Write Your Family History with Devon Noel Lee

Essential Steps to Begin

1. Define Your Scope and Audience : Decide whether this book is a private legacy project meant strictly for your children and relatives, or a polished narrative crafted for the general public. This choice shapes your tone, level of detail, and structure.
2. Identify Your Core Theme : Ask yourself what underlying truth, conflict, or question drives your story (e.g., overcoming a major loss, learning to trust, or a career-defining shift).
3. Make a "Stepping Stone" Story List : Write down 10 to 15 vivid turning points or pivotal scenes that support your theme. Do not worry about putting them in exact order yet; just capture the raw milestones.
4. Gather Memory Triggers : Pull out old photographs, journals, letters, or digital archives. Jot down sensory details for your scenes: what you saw, heard, smelled, and felt in those precise moments.
5. Write in Short, Manageable Bursts : Set a low barrier for yourself—such as writing for 15 minutes a day or drafting a single short memory per session. Ignore your inner critic and silence the urge to edit while you do your initial brain dump.

If you'd like to narrow this down, tell me:

• Are you writing this strictly for family or for publication?
• What is the main event or theme you want the book to focus on?

I can help you outline your first chapter or set up a custom writing prompt schedule.

Absolutely. And the first thing I’d tell you is: don’t start by trying to write your whole life. That’s usually what makes a memoir feel overwhelming.

A memoir is generally more powerful when it selects a meaningful thread, period, relationship, struggle, or transformation and explores it deeply rather than documenting every year of your life.

Start here: find the story underneath your life

Ask yourself:

• What happened to me that changed me?
• What period of my life do I still think about?
• What did I survive, lose, discover, build, or overcome?
• Who changed the direction of my life?
• What do I understand now that I didn't understand then?
• What would I want my children, grandchildren, or a stranger to understand about my life?

You don't have to answer all of these. One powerful answer can become the beginning of your memoir.

For example, instead of:

"I want to write about my life." You might discover:

"I want to write about growing up in a difficult family and how I learned to create a different kind of family for myself." That's a story.

Then make a "memory map"

Don't worry about chapters yet. Take a sheet of paper and write down 20–30 moments you remember vividly.

They might be things like:

• The house you grew up in
• Your first day of school
• A frightening night
• A person you loved
• Someone who hurt you
• Your first job
• Falling in love
• A marriage or divorce
• Having a child
• Losing someone
• A major move
• A terrible mistake
• A great triumph
• A conversation you never forgot
• The day everything changed
• Something you wish you'd done differently
• Something you're incredibly proud of

Don't write explanations yet. Just capture the scenes.

A useful test is: Can I see this moment in my mind? Can I remember where I was standing, what the room looked like, what someone said, what I felt? Those are the memories that can become powerful memoir scenes.

Don't necessarily start with your birth

You can write chronologically, and that's often perfectly appropriate for a family life story. But you don't have to begin with:

"I was born on..." A compelling memoir can begin in the middle of an important moment and then take the reader backward to understand how you got there.

For example:

The morning I decided to leave, I stood in the kitchen with my suitcase beside me. Now the reader wants to know: Why are you leaving? What happened? Where are you going?

That's a story beginning.

A simple structure to start with

You could use this as your first rough framework:

1. The opening moment — a scene that captures something important.
2. Where I came from — the childhood, family, place, or circumstances that shaped you.
3. The turning point — the event that changed the direction of your life.
4. What happened next — the struggle, decisions, relationships, successes and failures.
5. What I understand now — what those experiences mean to you today.
6. The closing image — a final memory or realization that gives the story emotional completion.

That's only a skeleton. You can change it completely once you discover what your story is really about.

And here's something I can do with you

You don't have to figure this out alone.

If you'd like, we can essentially build your memoir together. You can tell me your memories in ordinary conversation—even if they're messy, out of order, or you don't know how to write them—and I can help you:

• organize the chronology
• identify the important people and turning points
• find the themes running through your life
• turn memories into vivid scenes
• preserve your natural voice
• decide what belongs in the book
• create chapters
• eventually polish the manuscript

You don't even have to "write" at first. You can simply tell me your story.

A very easy first exercise

Forget the book for a moment.

Finish this sentence:

"If I could sit down with someone and tell them just one story from my life, it would be..."

Then tell me that story however it comes out—five sentences or five pages, polished or completely rambling.

I'll help you find the memoir inside it.

Then tell me that story however it comes out—five sentences or five pages, polished or completely rambling.

I'll help you find the memoir inside it.

Writing your life story or memoir is an incredible journey. The hardest part is almost always staring at that blank page.

Here is a clear, step-by-step roadmap to help you get started without feeling overwhelmed:

1. Shift your mindset
   • You don't need to write chronologically: Start with the scene, memory, or feeling that is currently shouting the loudest in your head. You can stitch the timeline together later.
   • Focus on a specific theme: A memoir isn't your entire life from birth to present; it’s a specific lens, transformation, or defining period (e.g., a specific career, a journey of recovery, a summer that changed everything).
2. Brainstorm and declutter your memory
   • Do a brain dump: Spend 30 minutes writing down every vivid memory, turning point, and character that pops into your head without editing yourself.
   • Build a life timeline: Jot down major milestones, ages, locations, and the "seasons" of your life to anchor your memories.
3. Identify your driving core
   • Ask "What is this really about?": Beyond the events themselves, what is the emotional takeaway or universal truth you want the reader to feel or understand?
   • Determine your audience: Are you writing this strictly for your grandchildren, or do you intend to query literary agents and publish for a general audience? This shapes your level of detail and tone.
4. Establish a tiny, manageable habit
   • Lower the bar: Commit to just 15 minutes or 200 words a day. Consistency beats marathon writing sessions every single time.
   • Write ugly first drafts: Give yourself permission to write badly. You can't edit a blank page, but you can always polish a messy first draft later.

If you'd like, let me know:

• What period or theme of your life you are thinking about starting with
• Whether this is for family and friends or public publication

I can help you outline your first chapter or draft a starting scene.

If you'd like, let me know:

• What period or theme of your life you are thinking about starting with
• Whether this is for family and friends or public publication

I can help you outline your first chapter or draft a starting scene.

Absolutely. And the first thing I’d suggest is don’t try to write your whole life at once. That can feel overwhelming. A memoir becomes much easier when you think of it as a collection of meaningful stories that, together, reveal who you became.

A memoir usually focuses on a particular period, journey, relationship, struggle, or theme rather than documenting every year of your life.

A simple way to begin

1. Start with memories, not chapters

For now, forget about writing beautifully. Just make a list of memories.

Write down moments such as:

• The first home you remember
• A person who profoundly influenced you
• A time you were frightened
• Your happiest childhood memory
• A time you felt completely alone
• Your first love
• A major loss
• A decision that changed everything
• A time you failed
• A time you surprised yourself
• Something you did that you're proud of
• Something you regret
• A secret you've carried
• The funniest thing that ever happened to you
• The moment you realized you had changed

Don't worry about whether a memory is "important." If you can still see, hear, smell, or feel the moment, write it down. Vivid sensory details can turn memories into scenes rather than just summaries.

2. Look for the story underneath the stories

After you've made your list, ask:

What has my life really been about? Maybe the answer is:

• learning to belong
• surviving difficult circumstances
• finding independence
• family
• love
• faith
• ambition
• starting over
• overcoming fear
• becoming a parent
• losing someone
• finding yourself
• forgiveness
• discovering what really matters

You don't have to know the answer immediately. Often the theme emerges after you've written several memories. A strong memoir usually has some underlying theme that connects its individual episodes.

3. Create a rough timeline

Make a very simple list:

Childhood → Teen years → Young adulthood → Adulthood → Turning points → Where I am now

Under each period, put the important events you remember.

Don't try to write chapters yet. You're simply creating a map of your life. Outlining this way can help you identify turning points and recurring themes.

4. Pick one story to actually write

Here's the important part:

Don't start with "I was born..."

Instead, choose one moment that still has emotional energy.

For example:

"I was standing in the kitchen when my mother told me we were leaving." That's a story.

Then you can eventually explain what happened before that moment and what happened afterward.

Memoirs often work particularly well when they open inside a compelling scene rather than beginning with a chronological biography.

5. Write the scene as if you're there again

Don't write:

"My childhood was difficult and we didn't have much money." Try to remember the actual moment:

What did the house smell like? What was on the kitchen table? Who was in the room? What were you wearing? What could you hear? What did someone actually say? What were you thinking but didn't say aloud? You're not merely recording what happened. You're trying to recreate what it felt like to be you when it happened.

And here's something I'd love to do with you

You don't have to figure out the structure by yourself.

We can build your memoir together, one memory at a time. You can tell me your stories exactly as you remember them—even if they're messy, out of order, incomplete, or conversational.

I'll help you:

• identify the important stories
• organize them chronologically or thematically
• find the larger theme
• turn memories into compelling scenes
• preserve your own voice
• distinguish what you remember from what you're unsure about
• develop chapters
• eventually shape everything into a coherent memoir

You don't need to be a writer to start. You just need memories.

If you'd like, we can begin right now. Tell me about one memory from your childhood that you can still picture vividly—just tell it to me naturally, the way you would tell a friend.

Don't try to write chapters yet. You're simply creating a map of your life. Outlining this way can help you identify turning points and recurring themes.

4. Pick one story to actually write

Here's the important part:

Don't start with "I was born..."

Instead, choose one moment that still has emotional energy.

For example:

"I was standing in the kitchen when my mother told me we were leaving." That's a story.

Then you can eventually explain what happened before that moment and what happened afterward.

Memoirs often work particularly well when they open inside a compelling scene rather than beginning with a chronological biography.

5. Write the scene as if you're there again

Don't write:

"My childhood was difficult and we didn't have much money." Try to remember the actual moment:

What did the house smell like? What was on the kitchen table? Who was in the room? What were you wearing? What could you hear? What did someone actually say? What were you thinking but didn't say aloud? You're not merely recording what happened. You're trying to recreate what it felt like to be you when it happened.

And here's something I'd love to do with you

You don't have to figure out the structure by yourself.

We can build your memoir together, one memory at a time. You can tell me your stories exactly as you remember them—even if they're messy, out of order, incomplete, or conversational.

I'll help you:

• identify the important stories
• organize them chronologically or thematically
• find the larger theme
• turn memories into compelling scenes
• preserve your own voice
• distinguish what you remember from what you're unsure about
• develop chapters
• eventually shape everything into a coherent memoir

You don't need to be a writer to start. You just need memories.

If you'd like, we can begin right now. Tell me about one memory from your childhood that you can still picture vividly—just tell it to me naturally, the way you would tell a friend.